It’s been quite some time since I’ve posted a personal blog here. I’ve attempted to write about this experience for the past year, but I never seem to be able to find the words.
TAKE CARE OF YOU!
You may have heard me say this numerous times here. Self care is the best care, and if you don’t take care of yourself you will never be able to care, and pour into others.
As Mother’s it’s so easy to negate ourselves. We are so busy with work, our kids homework, making sure that everyone is fed, cleaned, and loved. We are so laser focused on taking care of family that we often times place ourselves on the back burner. As I’m sitting here I can’t recall my last annual doctors visit!! This is sad, and I’m working on doing better.
Last May I had one of the those life changing experiences. It was the end of a long day of working from home, and being a Kindergarten and Second grade teacher.
I was in the shower, when I felt a lump in my right breast. I tried to downplay it immediately. I told myself it was in my head, I tried to forget I even felt it. But there it remained a small noticeable by sight, and touch lump in my breast.
At first I chalked it up to hormones. I had recently stopped taking birth control, and my body was going through some major changes.
“This has to be the reason why its here”. I told myself.
A week went by, and as I’m in the shower again I feel the lump. I begin to get this nagging feeling.
“Latoya you need to tell someone about this.”
I figured my sister would probably agree with me that it was due to hormones. Finally I decided to bring it up in casual conversation with my sister.
Well, if you know my sister nothing about this was considered casual. She about blew my head off encouraging me to go to my OB-GYN for further examination. She had also coincidentally lost a classmate due to breast cancer a few months prior, and at 38 did not see this as something to take lightly.
After speaking with her I was extremely nervous, and shakily terrified!
This was also occurring in the thick of COVID-19. I was already anxious, and on edge about everything. Going to the grocery store had become a task. Every time you stepped out of the house you were practically terrified you would come home with COVID. It was all too much!!!
I tried to forget the lump was even there.
4 months go by, and low and behold the lump is still there. I finally decide it’s time to go in to my OB. I’m sitting at the car dealership when I decide to make the call.
I’m informed my doctor is able to fit me in today. This alarms me, I am immediately taking aback, and in a complete state of shock. A little apprehensively, I reply that I accept the appointment..
Within 3 hours I sat alone in the doctors office. I checked in and within 6 minutes I was called into a room, and asked to disrobe. This was moving all to fast for me. I couldn’t fathom how I would react or feel if I was told the news….
15 minutes later in walks in my doctor. He’s been my OB-GYN for 8 years, since my very first pregnancy. We talked pleasantries about the boys, school, work, and how my family has been making it during the pandemic. Then came the questions.
1. When did you first notice the lump?
2. Is it painful?
3. Can you describe it?
4. Are you able to see it, or it is only noticeable by touch
5. Is the lump mobile or unmovable?
6. Are there any new medications that your taking, or any that You’ve recently stopped taking?
I answer all of the questions, and my doctor says, “O.K lets take a look.”
I open my robe, and he first begins on my left breast. Probing and checking for any signs of unusual lumps.
My left breast checks out.
No cause of concern to be found. I’m very happy about this even though I’m well aware I never felt a lump in my left breast.
The examination begins on my right breast, and my doctor has not said a word. After what feels like an eternity he states “There is a lump that is about dime size, & mobile.” He recommends that I go to the first floor to have a mammogram, and ultrasound completed.
It’s finally confirmed there is actually a lump in my breast. It was never in my head, and I’ve now waited 4 months to get it examined.
At this time only my oldest sister knows about this possible lump. As I’m getting dressed I call my mom, and tell her the news.
The doctor has just confirmed there is a lump in my right breast, and as a 33 year old women I am on my way to receive my first mammogram. She’s in shock, and states that all will be well. She tells me that the mammogram is uncomfortable, and very painful but it’s important for me to have at this point. I agree, and make my way downstairs.
Frightened, and still in shock I send a text message to my siblings letting them know the news I have now received. Of course everyone is sending me words of encouragement.
“Try not to work yourself up.”
“It may not be cancerous.”
But in my mind I am already planning for the worst possible news.
I complete my paperwork, and I’m called into the back room. I’ll walk you through the process if you’re like me, and have never experienced receiving a mammogram before.
I’m taking into a dressing room.
In the room I’m told to disrobe from the waist up. I’m giving a gown that opens to the front, as well as a bag to place my belongings. I’m told to use the wet wipe provided to wipe any deodorant that I have on from underneath my arms, and possibly my breast area. I’m asked to take my bag, and sit in a waiting room until I am called. 30 minutes later I am called to the back.
I’m taking into a room with the “mammogram machines,” if we are going by appearances they are frightening, and I begin to experience extreme fight or flight symptoms.
“Do I really need to know?”
At the same time I’m attempting to give myself a pep talk.
“JANAY YOU CAN DO THIS!”
“DON’T BE SCARED JANAY.”
“YOU HAVE BOYS TO LIVE FOR JANAY.”
The technician walks me closer to the Mammography. She recites several detailed instructions regarding breast, and body placement to achieve the best imaging. She can obviously tell that I am terrified, and she gives me a few words of encouragement. I’m told to relax my arms, and shoulders.
I close my eyes, and it begins.
My mother is right, it is extremely painful! The Mammography compresses my breast, into a flat shape. The technician steps away to take pictures of my breast in the compressed form. Afterwards she approaches me to reposition my breast, we once again begin the compression process. She takes a total of 4 images, 2 of each breast.
Tears begin to form in my eyes. I try really hard to hold them back, but I’m so overwhelmed. She completes the process, and takes me into a different waiting room. She notifies me that the doctor would also like to complete an ultrasound, and a technician would be coming to get me shortly. I’m placed in a room with 6 women ranging from middle aged to quite a bit older. Everyone is robed, and waiting to be called. I’m closest to a window, and I take the opportunity to gaze at the sky, It’s a beautiful day.
Today would also be my son’s first day of Flag Football practice. He’s been so excited about this experience all summer, and I wouldn’t want him to miss it. As I take a look at my watch I notice it’s been 2 hours.
Finally my name is called, and I’m escorted into the ultrasound room. The technician completes the ultrasound, and tells me to lay until she returns from the doctor with an diagnosis.
Fairly quickly she returns.
The doctor has expressed his belief that the lump is Fibroadenomas. A cyst, fluid filled sac that develops in breast tissue. It is benign, and widely common. These lumps tend to be painless, and move around freely with touch.
I sigh with major relief!
I once again feel the tears approaching, but I fight really hard to keep them contained this time.
A nurse is now in the room, and has informed me the doctor would like to continue to monitor the lump. At the conclusion of my appointment, I’m instructed to complete a follow up Mammogram in 6 months. My appointment was this past April. I completed the entire process, again, and received some really great news.
The lump had shrunk in size!
This further confirmed the doctors original diagnosis that the lump was Fibroadenoma. Although the doctor has confirmed with 99% accuracy that he believes the lump is benign I will continue to undergo ultrasounds every 6 months for the next 2 years to monitor the lump.
A weight was lifted from my shoulders!
A sigh of relief, and a resounding prayer was received by my father in rejoice from the positive news!
This experience taught me a few valuable lessons.
Firstly, TIME.
Time is of the essence. I waited four months to see a doctor, this could have been vital time missed to begin treatment if the lump was indeed cancerous. I have since found it to be true. “You may delay, but time will not, and lost time is never found again”.
Most importantly this experience taught me, be deliberate in your actions talkers, and “In the moment of decision remember the best you can do, is the right thing to do, the next thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing”.
Remember to take care of you, because you are important too.
TAKE CARE TALKERS.
UNTIL NEXT TIME 😘
-LATOYA
