Latoya Talks Tuesday: Focus on me

It is possible to focus on two major life events at one time? The answer for me lately has been no. My attention can’t seem to stretch any more than it already has. My goals have been placed in the driver’s seat and everything else has taking a backseat. I mean a third-row seat in my life.  It’s been quite a struggle to balance parenting, working full -time, my new love which is blogging and my personal life. The sad part is that won’t get any easier in the upcoming months as I will be adding summer school and certification testing to the already hectic schedule that I’m now juggling. These other aspects of my life are just as important to me as my goals. In prior years I have placed my own needs and goals on the back burner for others, so now that my aspirations are front and center my tunnel vision won’t allow me to see anything else. I think a part of me wanted the people closest to me to understand that, and to be ok with that but somehow these things never seem to work out as we see them in our head.

I do believe I see a pattern in some occurrences in my life. I’m a giver. Even if you can’t see it for yourself I give. I give so much that I find myself so burned out. It sucks to be a giver who never receives in return. It’s like placing your extra cash in a savings account for 30 years then being told by the account representative that you can’t touch it in the instance of an emergency. How would that make you feel? I wanted Latoyatalks Tuesday to be a day where I really speak about personal experiences and the lessons that I’ve learned. It would only make sense for me to share a few of the thoughts that has been allotting space in my head/heart. Last week I started bullet journaling the thoughts, people, and circumstances that I’ve allowed to hold space in my life. I do this because if I can write it out and see it, I can begin to change what I see. Makes sense, right?

I’ve been struggling with God’s process. I know that he places individuals in our lives for different reasons. It seems we never know what those reasons are until after they occur. I’m finding myself questioning the process.  I’m inquiring why is this happening, I don’t like the direction this is going maybe I should change it….but  I know there’s a reason. I’ve come to the understanding that I can’t keep placing my hands on situations that God has shown me time and time again that he wants me to let go of. I can’t keep placing myself in the midst of drama and not expect the end result to be theatrical.
Another thing I’m struggling with is accepting that people can say one thing and show the complete opposite. That’s my major struggle. I’m all about expression. Show me how you feel, show me how you care, show me everything. Words have little to no meaning to me anymore. I’ve had many people tell me how they feel all the time but not many have backed that up with actions. So, to have someone consistently show me how they feel at all times especially during the difficult times…. That really speaks volumes to me.
The last issue I seem to be struggling with is talking through hard times. I’m known to be a person that completely shuts off. If I’m pushed to a point where I’m upset often, and talking about certain situations make me angry or if there is no roof so to speak when I’m discussing the issue I’m not going to converse about it. I will shut off and completely ignore the person or situation until I feel I have a better grip on my reaction to it. I’m finding that to be selfish. Just because I’m not ready to talk through the issue does not mean the other person feels the same. Am I not taking their feelings into consideration when I shut off? No, absolutely not. This one is hard for me so I’m trying my best to do better.

Life is all about experiences. We have the ability to learn so much about ourselves. We are in control of how we feel and how we react to situations that occur. Once we realize that, and begin to govern our lives. I feel we would all see major changes in ways we never thought possible.

-Latoya

 

 

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I’m 31 years old. I have loved writing since I was 12 years old. Writing poetry was my favorite pastime that eventually turned into me drafting a short story that I never showed anyone by the way. I started Latoyatalks as a way to begin my blogging journey. I’ve always wanted to write about my personal experiences, and to give advice to others surrounding education and beauty. These are all topics I enjoy and feel connected to. In the future I hope to grow latoyatalks to a website where people can come to find awesome advice, read some compelling stories about my life experiences that hopefully they take something from. Also to help families understand different techniques to educate and care for their family. While also touching base on my favorite beauty and fashion trends! I'm now on Youtube follow my journey there as well! - Latoya

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