Love has never been easy. As long as I can remember I’ve struggled to find someone to be completely open with, someone who I could trust to see me for who I am and not judge. It’s been hard to go on this journey of life. I’m not one for sympathy but I’ve been through some of the worst times. Times that I want to forget, times that I try so hard to disregard. But I can’t overlook the fact that those times made me the resilient, spirited and independent young woman/mother that I am today.
I feel broken at times…it’s times such as today that I feel damaged. So, damaged that I’m unrepairable. So alone that I’m disheartened and dispirited. It’s hard to feel this way, you have so many views of how you want your life to play out that you sit for hours and make a mock life in your head that begins to feel genuine at some point. That is until you have a moment that jolts you back to reality, and you’re once again wondering “how the hell did I get here”
If you’re anything like me you continue on enduring life’s hard times. You regenerate and began anew. Because after all, that is what life’s about. Until one day as you’re back on the yellow brick road of life you encounter someone who changes it all. Someone who is able to make you feel whole, and content. Someone whose aspirations A-line so much with yours until your conversations flow like the Niagara in Canada. Like butter on warm toast you spread into submission. You don’t even realize that the wall you built to protect your soul has begun to crack, in fact it isn’t until you have completely fallen that you realize the wall is obsolete. There’s a moment after you give your everything to someone that you begin to feel… If you’ve had experiences such as myself you realize it instantaneously as anxiety, compunction. You begin to question the person, who they are becomes more important as you pick at every new minuscule quality trying to pick them apart, trying to find something…that one thing that would give you an out. That would give you a break free. We love so hard! Which in turn makes life so hard!
I recall me saying to my younger brother not too long ago. “Why do young people feel the need to be in relationships? Why do you go looking for love? Why don’t you spend time alone finding out who you are knowing your likes and dislikes? Let love find you instead of propositioning yourself on social dating sites such as Tinder and blackpeoplemeet.com. Than I thought about my situation, and how eventually you will want someone to share your life with. Someone to come home to after a rough day in this world in which we live that we can just descent into their arms, a place where you find solace, you feel content. It’s the best feeling in the world love to know love, to experience love is remarkable. That is why when it falls apart, we crave to feel it again. We forget about the unpleasant parts of our previous love that collapsed we only remember the sense of being in love.
If you’re lucky enough to find it don’t take it for granted. Don’t wrench it apart and dig out everything that scares you. Just fall! Even if it’s not that right time…just fall! Even if you’re not ready…just fall! Even if you feel as though you may be hurt in the end…. just fall. When it’s genuinely real you won’t even realize you’ve plummeted into the depths of love until it’s too late, still I say JUST FALL! We only live once. This borrowed time that we’re on may end at any moment. Don’t let it end without you having experienced the fall. I promise it will be the most enthralling, captivating, memorable ride that you will ever have been on and I promise its worth every minute! Because the moment you fall in love, is that moment your life has just begun.
“Always remember God will never take anything away from you without the intention of replacing it with something much better”.